Why America’s Sweethearts: Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders is actually a realistic military reality TV show.

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I’ve been writing the last few weeks about the War in Iran / Third Gulf War. But now I think it’s time to take a quick break (and maybe give you a break).

Today I’m going to make the case that the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders (as seen on Netflix’s documentary/reality TV show America’s Sweethearts) have lots in common with a military unit. Bear with me on this one. It’s not an April Fool’s article; I’m a day late for that.

If you’re not familiar with the show, the Season 2 trailer below will give you an idea. Long story short, the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders (DCC) are a troupe of thirty-six professional dancers. The show follows the trials and tribulations of the established and aspiring members of this elite group as they go through a season of training, selection, and performance. I’ve also heard there’s also a football team associated with the franchise, but I wouldn’t know much about that.

Why do I think that this show is an accurate military simulation? Three reasons. Firstly, the training environment is eerily similar to boot camp. Secondly, their performances are a more energetic (and, let’s be honest, sexier) version of military drill. Thirdly, the work these dancers do takes a physical toll which they are expected to (literally) grin and bear, just like a soldier.

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1. The training environment is like a boot camp

The first thing I noticed was the language. The cheerleaders almost unfailingly address Kelli (their director, a.k.a. God) as “Ma’am.” Perhaps that’s just a Southern thing, but to me it looks less like everyday courtesy and more like reflexive obedience¹:

There are other language tells. The dancers don’t put on an outfit, they wear a uniform. These uniforms are individually tailored for optimum form (making them look good) and function (helping them dance well). It looks like form is prioritised over function, something these guys might be able to empathise with:

The commitment to the uniform is strong. Military-strong. Even when the girls are training indoors, nowhere near a public space, they’re still wearing their issued training uniform.

This reminded me of being overseas², where we’d naturally wear our uniform almost all the time. We were granted the privilege of “dressing down” some evenings in the canteen if we were off duty. So we could wear what we wanted, right? Wrong. We had a special “dress down uniform” consisting of an approved tracksuit, t-shirt, and runners. Even when we were out of uniform, we needed to look uniform.

There are gradations of uniform for different levels of “seniority.” Rookies wear pink, veterans wear navy:

Graduating from one training uniform to another and finally to the “superfine” parade-ground uniform is something every soldier will be familiar with. They will also be familiar with the deep and abiding sense of pride that comes with wearing an “earned” uniform, and the sad necessity of handing it back when one’s service ends.

Moving on from the uniforms, equipment is another point of similarity between DCC and military training routines. These boot camp belles never let their pom-poms leave their side, whether they’re on the field or off it. They run³ to and from meetings with the coaches and never let these bundles of plastic tassels out of their sight. And how could they? That’s their weapon. If a soldier left her rifle unattended then, in the best-case scenario, an instructor would steal it to teach her—and all the recruits—a lesson.

I mean, if you compare this show to a classic of the genre like Full Metal Jacket, the two are practically indistinguishable:

The similarities don’t stop at the training camp, however. Once the cheerleaders finish their gruelling training and selection course, they move on to the field of play, with some very military-inspired dance routines. Don’t believe me? Read on.

2. The on-field spectacle is like a military parade

Let’s start with a video of the DCC themselves. This is their famous routine, based around an abridged version of AC/DC’s classic hit Thunderstruck. Sorry about the poor quality, but this is one of the better ones I saw on YouTube that showed them performing on the field, as a whole group (as opposed to on stage with a subset):

The choreography is incredible. Look how they keep a uniform line as they move across the field. On the military parade square, this is called “keeping your dressing,” your “dressing” being the spacing between the soldiers to your left and right, front and rear.

See also how their movements are either completely in sync or else purposefully sequential to create stunning visual effects across the whole body of dancers. This timing is also crucial for military parades and, just like the dancers, soldiers need to use the audible cues of the music to synchronise their movements.

Just like troops, however, they will need to be cognisant of the fact that sound travels at a perceptible speed. On a football field or parade square, troops (or dancers) must use visual cues as their primary marker, with sound being a useful (but occasionally misleading) crutch.

But neither a soldier nor a cheerleader can look around at whatever they want. They need to maintain a fixed gaze forward. The soldier stern-faced and the cheerleader looking like she’s having the best time ever⁴. But you’d be amazed at how much information your peripheral vision can give you.

Let’s look at another routine, also at an American Football game. This one is the Ohio State University Marching Band. They aren’t cheerleaders, but their function is similar, and they look just as impressive, as you can see from their Top Gun performance below:

I had the privilege of seeing these guys (or some of them, at least) at Dublin’s St. Patrick’s Day parade a few weeks ago. Although their scope for impressive choreography was limited by the setting (a crowded O’Connell Street is less conducive to big letter formations, and many of the locals can’t read), it was a pleasure to watch them move in a simple column. They moved as if they were on pneumatic rails.

Whether it’s cheerleading, marching and playing an instrument, or marching with a weapon, there’s a high barrier to entry. You can’t be half-good at marching or at dancing. The routine won’t look 50% as good: it will look awful.

It would be a mistake to think that performers like this are perfect. They’re not. They make mistakes every day and in every performance. But they practice and practice and practice until the normal mistakes are imperceptible to all but the most attentive professionals. It’s just like getting to Carnegie Hall:

Militaries will put in similar levels of practice for big, televised ceremonial events. Watch the parade below and tell me it’s not the male version of the DCC routine above:

Watch at about 0:30 when the troops move from line to column, then back to line about ten seconds later but facing at a right angle to before. Changing formation from a column (as you would move along a road) to a line (as you would face the enemy) is a tricky thing to do on the march, but was one of the most important “routines” which soldiers of the musket and pike era needed to get right.

Forming a line means bringing the majority of the unit’s firepower to bear (in a column, only the front rank can fire, which is 3-5 soldiers). A unit which can form a line quickly has a huge advantage over a slower enemy unit who are still moving and in disarray as they get into position.

I’m not suggesting that the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders are about to start shooting at teams of opposing cheerleaders (although it is set in Texas…⁵), but they have the same requirement to get into line positions quickly, such as for their famous kicks. The physical toll might not be quite as bad as a musket exchange, but it’s worse than you might think. Let’s talk about that next.

3. The physical aspect takes a toll, and nobody cares

As early as the first episode of America’s Sweethearts we learn about the injuries that cheerleading inflicts on its stars. The impressive splits, which we saw above, exert immense pressure. Each dance routine is a gruelling cardiovascular workout on top of that.

There’s a veteran DCC cheerleader who features in the first season, but spends most of her time on a walker with her ankle in a cast. Yet she still encourages and supports her younger sister who (SPOILER ALERT) makes the team.

Cheerleaders typically manage three or four years before they are worn out and swept aside by the incoming tide of fresher-faced rookies. At twenty-five they’re considered shamefully over the hill.

A review in Time Magazine describes the hard work and low pay of the DCC as an “infuriating portrait of the ultimate pink-collar job.” While I don’t disagree with the feminist critique, I also see it through the lens of so-called “hero” jobs, which is another similarity between DCC and the military.

A recent study by Matthew Stanley in Duke University looked at people’s attitudes to workers in “hero” professions such as the military, healthcare, or teaching. Here were his depressing findings:

• We think that people in certain jobs are heroic and deserve our praise. So far, so good.
• When these “heroes” retire from their heroic profession, we think they would be more suited to lower-paid (often service-oriented) jobs rather than high-powered careers. A bit problematic, but maybe defensible.
• We assume that heroes will work harder for less pay. This is bad. But there’s worse to come…
• When given the option, we will cut funding to “hero” services more if we think of the people there as “heroes.”

The treatment of DCC stars is part of this dynamic. As well as game performances, they travel to military bases, hospitals, old folks’ homes, and generally act sweet and sign footballs for their adoring fans. What heroes! Let’s not pay them properly. After all, they’re not in it for the money. This is literally the justification that the team’s owner used in the first season for not paying them more. To be fair, she got stick for that comment.

Then, when they inevitably get injured and have to bow out, we give them a clap on the back and turn our beady eyes on the next tranche of rookies.

In Season 2, the cheerleaders mull over taking a stand on their low pay. One of their options, like with any group of labour anytime, anywhere, was to withdraw it (go on strike). However, management weaponised the (second) oldest tool in the book⁶ to counter any potential threat:

We didn’t want to let people down who were so excited to see the cheerleaders after supporting us through the first season of our television show

—One of the DCC, as reported in Forbes. Article contains a spoiler: They eventually got a pay rise, reportedly of 400%.

The “pride” argument would be familiar to anyone who works or has worked in a front-line service profession such as the military.

Conclusion: Never mind the 82nd Airborne, send in DCC

Right, so we’ve seen how the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders actually have a lot in common with a military force. What does this mean?

For starters, President Trump could send the DCC to Kharg Island in the Persian Gulf instead of the 82nd Airborne Division. Replace the “All-American” with “America’s Sweethearts.” They come from Texas, so Iran’s oil infrastructure will be in safe hands.

What better way to counter the hard-line mullahs of the Iranian revolutionary regime than with the wholesome charms of these (mostly) blonde bombshells? If there are to be boots on the ground, then let them be Lucchese:

You see, I couldn’t go a whole post without mentioning the war. Sorry. In all seriousness, though, there are some interesting parallels in terms of discipline, performance, and sacrifice between military life and the DCC, at least as depicted in America’s Sweethearts.

I’m sure a part of this is America’s deeply embedded military culture. As well as the military-esque cheerleaders, a typical American Football match will see military colour parties, veterans being honoured honored, and fighter jets blasting overhead during the Star Spangled Banner. Stirring stuff.

In my time in the Irish military, I got more kudos from Americans for serving my country than I got from my own countryfolk for the same service. I’m not saying this is a good or bad thing: see my point about “heroes” above. It’s better, I think, to view soldiers as normal people just doing another job like anyone else.

Speaking of Ireland, though, this is a country which boasts embarrassingly of its “soft power” as a cover for having zero hard power whatsoever. The USA, as we all know, has unmatched hard power in the world. But it also has unrivalled soft power, and the cheerleaders of the DCC are a powerful illustration of this. To bring things full circle, Thunderstruck was the song which the American attackers put playing full blast when they attacked Iran’s nuclear facilities in 2012 with a computer virus.

I really hope President Trump doesn’t think about sending the DCC to Iran, although at this stage, anything is possible. I would wish that he and his advisors would have spent a bit more time thinking about American cultural soft power and its ability to change the world.

Because, as we’re seeing all too clearly, the hard power ain’t gonna do it for them.

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Cover picture and all figures not otherwise noted: America’s Sweethearts: Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, Netflix (2024)

1. The clip below is from another, older show about the DCC. ↩︎
2. Very little about this show reminded me of overseas. ↩︎
3. Running everywhere is another similarity. ↩︎
4. And she may not be far off. I’m sure the adrenaline of being the centre of attention is exhilarating. One of the hardest parts of being on parade under the public gaze is resiting the urge to smile from ear to ear. ↩︎
5. I’m being a little harsh here. Texas ranks solidly in the middle of the pack in terms of gun ownership and gun crime per capita in the USA. ↩︎
6. The oldest being physical violence. Given what they put themselves through on the field, there’s not much extra that management could have done. ↩︎